speakdanish.dk

If there is one thing the average Dane would mention that makes him most proud of his heritage, it would probably be the Danish sense of fairness, justice and equality. Children are taught from a young age to treat others like they themselves would like to be treated. Parents and teachers are but links in a long chain of egalitarian tradition that has its roots in something called Janteloven, or the laws of Jante. It comes from a novel by a Danish/Norwegian writer, and its basic tenet is that you shouldn’t think too highly of yourself. You are part of a humble human collective, and if you try to fly too high, it is everyone else’s imperative to bring you down to earth by any means possible.

Take me to your leader
In the Danish workplace it is sometimes impossible to see who the boss is. I was often surprised by how often the real boss would be interrupted in his morning staff briefings by anyone and everyone who had an opinion about the matter. Rather than an elevated authority that boomed his message down to the masses, the boss seemed to be an aggregator of ideas, inconspicuously melding with the rest of the workforce. In matters that affected the group, his own opinions carried exactly as much weight as everyone else’s, but if he caught you dawdling, he was as much the butt-kicking, cigar-sucking boss you’d find in any other totalitarian and soul-crushing bulwark of human oppression around the world.

Because you are a free citizen, you are entitled to be treated as such. This means that you cannot be exploited economically. You have a right to work for a decent wage. Jobs that are disparaged by the rich (and the poor) in other countries, like garbage collecting, sweeping the streets and cleaning toilets are as respectable as being a doctor, engineer or a teacher (wait, scrap that last one).

Waiters are not tipped, because they actually get paid by their employers (the food is expensive enough to have included a tip anyway). And the Skattefar, or tax daddy, makes sure that he takes enough money from you so you are well shielded from any delusions of grandeur you might sustain from your toilet-cleaning job.

Counting old people’s teeth
Attitudes towards children are similarly egalitarian: children are in many ways equal to adults, only smaller. Danes don’t have honorary appellatives like Mr, Mrs, Ms or even Doctor and Professor. They do exist, but mostly only in parodic contexts. Children call adults by their first names, and adults likewise treat children like intelligent individuals.

Many years ago, at the dinner table, the topic of homosexuality came up. There was a young girl of about 7 or 8 present. She asked what a homosexual was. Her mother told her, and then continued with the conversation. My own parents would’ve suffered mild seizures, then agonized over the question for a week.

Discussing world matters

Danish children are informed about adult topics from the moment they are old enough to ask about them. They are encouraged to actively participate in adult discussions and to have opinions about things. I myself was told to be seen and not heard, and not to “count old people’s teeth”. They would invite me to their discussion when I was big enough.

I’m still waiting.

This open relationship between children and parents lays the foundation for how they relate to each other in the future, but this doesn’t necessarily predict a rosy scenario. It often means that children, who are naturally entitled to everything, are just more vocal about their need for freedom and independence later in life, which often leads to slightly strained feelings when parents try to assert their right to interfere. This creates the impression in foreigners that Danish parents and children are always fighting. Children from more traditional families would probably just suppress their true feelings in these situations, making everything seem a lot more harmonious than they really are.

Bricks in the wall?
Because everyone is equal, social consensus is established early in a Dane’s life. There are no outrageous anomalies in the social way of things, so it is learned without difficulty. The social model is simple enough for all to grasp. There are many aspects to this, and everyone has his own crazy theory.

Crazy theory 1: the language. The Danish language is the prime instrument in the functional universe that inhabits the mind of the Dane. Its relation to the world is linear and complete. Nothing else exists outside it. Unlike English, it hasn’t raided, plundered and looted sounds and impressions from faraway shores to the extent that a Danish speaker is in a constant state of uncertainty, curiosity and conjecture about the world he lives in.

Danish is content with what it can see and touch. It doesn’t aspire to the ethereal and fantastical. Many Danes describe their knowledge of Danish as “complete”, something no English speaker would ever dream of doing.

It creates the impression in me that Danes have everything wrapped up in a neat bundle. Their egalitarian world-view is simply a facilitator, a tool with which to trim off all the pesky, uneven bits of uncertainty. And to an extent it is something I admire and envy, because Danes are almost completely without chaos.

Crazy theory 2: everything else. Everything else that Danes do simply reinforces my first crazy theory. An overwhelming sense of conformity infuses the entire fabric of Danish culture. My first thoughts, as I landed here, were that sensual impressions seemed wilfully subdued. I was constantly seeking the outrageous colours, sounds and smells of my homeland.

Menaces to democracy

The other day, while reading a computer magazine in the library, one of the letters to the editor complained about the magazine being too colourful. The editor used half a page to apologize and to explain the reason for using all those colours.

Instead of finding it absurd, I found some small solace in it. It confirmed my thoughts. Dissenting colours are an aberration and a menace to democracy.

People from back home always ask me what the Danes eat, and similarly, the Danes always ask what we eat back home. Why does this question come up so often? Are people genuinely interested, or is it just an idle question? Upon reflection I realize that, besides our clothes and language, what we eat probably reveals most about how we identify culturally with others.

Funny because it’s true
Chris Rock talks about racism because that’s important to him and to a large number of people around the world, and about sex because everyone thinks sex is funny somehow. They represent universal experiences and human constants, things that resonate with the vast majority of people. I noticed recently, while watching a stand-up comic on TV, that Danish comedians spend an inordinate amount of time making jokes about rye bread and liver paté.

First, I’ll come right out and say it: Danish food is nothing to write home about. The main ingredients are meat, potatoes and salad. Add to that the compulsory gravy (and the rye bread and liver paté you had for breakfast), and the contents of your stomach, upon random daily inspection, will be a fairly consistent woody brown. If you are used to porridge and bacon and eggs (or at least anything cooked or fried), your first Danish breakfast will be a bit baffling.

Caramelized potatoes, a Christmas speciality

I distinctly remember thinking, after having breakfast in Denmark for the first time: “So, when’s breakfast?”. There were some open rye bread sandwiches with cheese, pickled herring and cold cuts, followed by a cup of coffee. In a similar vein, when my mother came to Denmark to attend our wedding, it was already well after midnight at the wedding reception, with people dancing and the band playing, when she enquired, “Where’s the main course?”.

Closed sandwiches are in the domain of American franchise stores. You will never see it in a Danish home. The other day I saw my father-in-law cut a roll in half and put a slice of cheese on the bottom half. Then, with a mischievous glint in his eye and a furtive glance to check that no one was watching, he put the top half of the roll on top of it. He held it up to the light for all to see and exclaimed, “Hey, a cheeseburger!”

Older generations of Danes might also have a shot of snaps with their breakfast. Snaps is a bitter aperitif with quite a bit of a kick, that most foreigners tend to forego after getting on its bad side only once or twice.

Spice of life
Danish food is as straightforward and devoid of pomp and ceremony as the Danes themselves. Its function is first and foremost to get your hunger out of the way. The Danes spend a lot of time at the table. The conversations range from the mundane to the intense, and family discussions and disputes are often aired at the dinner table. After dinner, the conversation will often continue for another hour or more, and if there is really much to discuss, it can take several hours.

You might find yourself in a situation where, in the heat of the discussion, everyone has switched to Danish and temporarily forgotten that you exist. If you are painfully polite, you might feel obliged to sit through the whole thing, while your nether regions slowly become indifferent to any form of sensation. You might wonder why, if the Danes spend so much quality time at the table, it hasn’t occurred to them to make the dining experience a bit more varied and interesting. Why not add a bit of spice and flavour? Why not enrich the culinary vocabulary with something imaginative and daring?

Since the Turks, Palestinians and Iranians began arriving in the 70s, Danes have slowly started to develop a taste for…, well, a taste. There are plenty of kebab places everywhere in Denmark, and it seems to be quite a hit among the younger generation of Danes. These places usually also sell pizzas (which curiously all look and taste the same everywhere), burritos, burgers, pastas and so on.

Gift of the gaffe
As with most things, Danes are quite punctual and precise. This includes dinner preparation. The amount of food will be prepared according to the expected number of diners. No more, no less. Almost every foreigner has some horror story to tell about frikadeller (meat balls), specifically how they happened to scoop an ample mound of them onto their plate, only to discover that they were supposed to take only two or three. Danes will stare at you in disbelief, but usually no one will say anything until maybe your Danish better-half points something out.

Duck, another Christmas favourite

Once, after having finished my meal, my mother-in-law insisted that I have the last piece of steak. I accepted, and proceeded to eat it, completely oblivious to the stares I was getting. It was only much later that my wife told me that it’s customary to eat something else with one’s steak; not to eat it on its own.

Mind your manners
Before dinner it is polite to help out with preparations. Usually offering to help set the table is more than sufficient. Everyone drinks something with their dinner. It is not a requirement to have a drink, but at special occasions someone is bound, at some point, to lift his glass and say “Skål!“. For this reason it is a good idea to have a glass of something at hand. The Skål! is usually followed by a lifting of the glass and acknowledging every guest by giving them an ever-so-brief nod.

Danes are not overly polite, so dinnertime is always quite relaxed. If something is reasonably within reach on the table, just reach over and get it yourself. If you come from a religious background and are used to saying grace, you can go ahead and say grace by yourself. You will be considered a mild curiosity, but no one will think more of it (unless you demand that everyone does it, in which case you’ll be considered a bit of a bother).

After dinner you always acknowledge the host by saying “Tak for mad” (see more phrases). If offered more food than you can eat, decline by saying “Jeg er mæt“. You might feel inclined to use the word “fuld” (full), as in “Jeg er fuld“, but this of course means that you are drunk. If you notice that the conversation is only just picking up speed, and you don’t necessarily want to be part of it, there is no reason to torture yourself by staying. Just excuse yourself and do as you please.

Read more about Danish food at Wikipedia and Copenhagenet.

I’ve only this week decided to start writing about the Danes and their ways. While I was wracking my brain about how the approach the next article, I came across a blog by Peter Andreas, a 42-year old Dane with a slightly dissenting view of his own country. It’s certain to give you quite a bit of an insider’s view.

The most common Danish baby names during the first part of 2009 were Lucas and Freja. Source.

The most popular Danish names ever are Jens and Anne. The most popular surname is Jensen. Source.

Danes are extremely private and reserved. If you happen to come from a village in Kenya where everyone knows each other and greets each other on the street, Denmark will seem cold, hostile and desolate.

Meeting new Danes can be a challenge

This seems to be the general consensus among newcomers in Denmark. It is not easy to get to know a Dane. Friendships take many years to foster, and most lifelong friendships among Danes will have started in kindergarten. This doesn’t mean that Danes are averse to the idea of being friends with you; you just have to put in a bit of extra effort if you are serious about the friendship.

Keeping it real
You will find that Danes are quite direct. Or, to put it another way, they are generally not superficial. They won’t fawn over you with sugar-coated compliments and honeyed tones in order to win your favour, and they will resent it if you do. Nor will they necessarily pretend to like you if they don’t, and if they don’t like your joke, they simply won’t laugh. Simple as that.

Danes generally neither understand nor do they appreciate fluff and hype in people’s attitudes, so the direct and honest approach is always advised. Basically, avoid small talk if you can, and just say what you really think.

A sack of salt
This might all sound terribly demanding, and you might get the impression that Danes are humourless and dour, but you will soon discover that Denmark is full of paradoxes. Yes, Danes are aloof and are often described as ‘cold’ by foreigners, but the tricky thing is that they actually are sociable, warm and funny. It is a mind-bender that has taken me a long time to unravel, and even so, I can’t really adequately explain it.

Much of it has to do with an implicit understanding of Danish culture and language, something the Danes call being indforstået. It literally means being ‘in-understood’, and it is a series of unspoken codes and registers that exist among people.

Another part of it has to do simply with knowing people for long enough and having eaten the proverbial sack of salt together, nurturing a common understanding for each other.

It helps if you are a sociable and open person yourself. Danes love extroverts. If you are an extrovert and have no problems at all expressing what’s on your mind, you automatically jump to level ten and graduate with honours.

Language
While almost all Danes speak perfect English, language will always be a barrier to some extent. Your Danish will be non-existent in the beginning, and your communication will be totally dependent on others’ confidence with speaking English. Most Danes never really get the chance to practise their English, so they might feel a bit shy about it. It might help if you consider this for a while, and not take it too much for granted.

Being able to utter a few words in Danish is usually a good icebreaker. Try a few phrases like Rødgrød med fløde or Jeg vil gerne have en øl. Go to the phrases section of speakdanish.dk to see how they are pronounced, and memorize 2 or 3 phrases to get you started.

It’s all about structure
By now you probably get the impression that you can’t just start chatting to someone on the bus or on the park bench. And you’d be dead right. It is no exaggeration whatsoever if I tell you that people will think you’ve escaped from the mental institution if you do.

Even if you already know someone and want to drop in for a quick chat or a cup of tea, you will find yourself in a very awkward situation. Your Danish host simply doesn’t know how to handle unexpected guests, even if you are friends. Everything in Denmark is structured. If you want to meet your friend, you have to make an appointment at least a week in advance. Again, that is not an exaggeration! Your now-very-inconvenienced friend has probably had something planned for the day, even if that means having planned to do nothing, and you are intruding on his do-nothing time.

The booze factor
So, where do you go to meet Danes? You meet them in the usual places: bars, nightclubs, social clubs. Danes brew their own beer, and probably consume most of it themselves. Their alcohol consumption is among the highest in the world, and is perhaps frowned upon by their more serious neighbours, Norway and Sweden (who themselves often make trips to Denmark to load their cars full of cheap booze and make spectacles of themselves on the streets).

Danes are considered the party animals of Scandinavia, which again flies in the face of the common perception of the archetypal level-headed and reserved Dane.

Attitudes towards alcohol are extremely relaxed. The legal drinking age is 16, but it is not unusual for Danish kids to have started much earlier (sometimes as early as 10). Moral and religious connotations to alcohol are completely absent, and most Danish parents have no problem whatsoever with their children drinking.

Sober youth cause for concern

(This image is from a news story about a teetotalling tendency among Danish youth. There is some concern that some youngsters might get alienated from their drinking peers. The headline says “Alcohol habits: Sober youth cause for concern”)

But far from being the rowdy and chaotic drunk, the average Dane is jovial, talkative and usually quite lucid (note that I always invoke averages and non-absolutes here). A Danish pedestrian will dutifully stop at the red traffic light, no matter what time of day or level of intoxication. And never mind if the only traffic on the street is a lone plastic bag pirouetting to the low, dark howl of the early-morning wind.

In the absence of alcoholic lubrication, however, your neighbour would never dream of just striking up a conversation with you. Because Danes are such private people, they will consider themselves presumptuous if they do, and think that they are intruding on your privacy. So, it is your responsibility to make the first move. You will usually find that most Danes will welcome the initiative.

Social clubs or associations (foreninger)
No matter how unusual your hobby or interest, Denmark probably has a social club to accommodate you (Denmark has the most number of these clubs per capita in the world). These are perfect places for you to meet people with similar interests.

So, the Danes take a bit of figuring out to really get to know them, but how successful you are socially ultimately depends on you. There are plenty of opportunities to get to know the Danes, and most of the drawbacks are easily overcome with the slightest bit of effort. As I mentioned in the introduction, forget about everything I said right here and everything else you’ve heard, and walk into every situation with a receptive and open attitude.

If you’ve just arrived in Denmark – welcome! And if you’ve just discovered that there are no igloos here – congratulations!

An important milestone

The reason you’re in Denmark and planning to stay is most likely because of a Dane you’ve met in your home town. Danes are extremely proud of their country, and for good reason. If you’ve already made it so far as to have to decide about living in Denmark, you are probably already convinced that the only reason the world has not long ago descended into complete mayhem is solely thanks to the efforts of the Danes. You look back at your own country with new eyes, noting its inadequacies, and based on what your Danish friends have told you, conclude that you’d be foolish not to embrace this veritable utopia as your new home.

I have to concede there is much to be said about the hype that is so generously dispensed around the world by Denmark’s young emissaries. It probably is one of the best-organized countries in the world (like Carlsberg probably is the best beer). Its current social, cultural and ideological roots all trace back to Renaissance Enlightenment ideals of reason and common sense, and while it essentially is a Christian country, religion features very little in its government, schooling and everyday discourse. A socially progressive country, its focus is less on the individual and more on the common good – which in economic terms means high taxation, free education, free health care and a good infrastructure. While some might disagree, its governmental and bureaucratic structures are generally efficient and well-oiled, with very low levels of corruption.

On the other hand, it is not quite home for you, and settling in can be hard, especially if you’ve never left your beloved country before. While Denmark is very organized and the people very friendly, you might find it a bit rigid in places and lacking a bit in imagination. There will always be pros and cons for you to contend with.

The point I want to make is that, yes, Denmark is in many respects a great country, but when you come to Denmark for the first time, your perspective of it will be completely dependent on impressions you get from your Danish friends and stuff you read in travel books, which might not always be quite objective or accurate. Sometimes you read something about a place, but your own experience of it happens to be completely opposite. An important thing to remember when coming to Denmark (as with visiting any new country) is to keep an open mind, and not to take completely to heart everything you’ve heard about the place, even from Danes themselves. No, especially not from the Danes themselves!

So, you will be prone to unrealistic and possibly even some overly-grandiose expectations during your first few months in Denmark. This is fairly common. It is a perfectly natural response to the exotic and unknown. This is what is known as the honeymoon phase, where everything seems wonderful and magical. Enjoy it while you can; it will soon be replaced by a sequence of other, lesser-pleasant phases.

Typical Danish girl watching pedestrians go by

Denmark is not a fairytale land. Crime, although relatively rare, does exist. Your stuff will get stolen if you’re not careful, and while the vast majority of Danes are much nicer than people I’ve met in some other countries, you will most certainly meet some unsavoury and downright nasty people as well (as the laws of averages and common sense well dictate you should).

If you’re ethnically different from the Danes, you might on the rare occasion experience some racism, but again, the overwhelming majority of Danes are pleasant, tolerant and well-educated. It is certainly a non-issue in deciding whether to come to Denmark or not.

The following submissions will pertain to the lessons (at speakdanish.dk), including topics such as socializing, shopping, visiting the doctor, and so on. Much of it will be based on my own opinion and experience as a foreigner in Denmark, so it will by no means be an authoritative or definitive guide to Danish culture – but I hope that it will be enough to generate some lively discussion. I will try to add a new entry as often as I can.